Day 5... The Saga Continues!

YESTERDAY WAS AMAZING!
I felt like MYSELF all day!
I got so much done... my BRAIN was not fuzzy. I had energy!
I laughed like I have not laughed in AGES...

It was a GREAT DAY, then the night descended.
I got anxious.
The thought of nightmares, VIVID dreams that wake me up constantly and COLD SWEATS made me dread sleeping. I think I was awake more than I was ASLEEP last night.

I have to remind myself that right here, right now it is Day 5 and I am DOING AWESOME for being on this pill for almost 20 years. But I am human and I want the headaches, body aches, broken sleep and just all around CRAPPY WITHDRAWAL symptoms to just go on their MERRY WAY!

In the past 5 days I have experienced more EMOTION than I have in I do not know how many years... I have had family members pass away and not been able to truly CRY. I have laughed without TRULY feeling that LAUGH. And in this past 5 days I have experienced the RELEASE that has been waiting. I used to be so afraid of emotion. I used to be afraid of people seeing me cry. That it was a sign of weakness, perhaps they would be uncomfortable at my release. It is not weak. It is a SIGN of BEING HUMAN and having a CARING SOUL. You want to know what is truly weird?!?! Not being able to cry or feel the sadness of a situation no matter how hard you try. Not even being able to feel the level of JOY either.  I remember I used to say I wished I did not care anymore... Well with Effexor XR, that was accomplished, and it felt like hell on Earth.

Soon, so soon, I will be free of this.
Free to be me. Free to feel whatever I feel in the moment. And I cannot wait. I am ready for the roller coaster to subside a bit, but am no longer afraid to let it all out. Release is necessary. Also, never have I been more thankful about my choice to banish the negative and surround myself with AMAZING, positive people! Boy, does it ever make a difference!

If you are going through the withdrawal from a medication like Effexor, just know, this DOES pass.
You can DO THIS and get through. It is not a permanent fixture in your life. Line up some support, watch some movies and shows that make you laugh and treat your body right with quality nutrition and workouts. Sit in the sun... and know you are so much STRONGER than you give yourself credit for.